Welcome back to the Mayhem!!!

For the better part of the last 3 months, I’ve been neck deep in textbooks, articles, and diverse dissertations among social scientists. The class I learned the most from was POLS 2070, an upper division political science class that discussed diversity and US politics.
During that time, I’ve learned about “Lies my Teacher Told Me,” and I thought I’d share a few new revelations. So sit back, grab yourself a slice of good ol’ American apple pie and some chocolate milk. This should be at the very least, entertaining, brow-raising and educational. There’s also the chance you might vomit a little bit. So read on, if you dare, to learn some controversial truths about our United States of America.

Thomas Jefferson was “inspired” to write the Declaration of Independence, claiming that “all men are created equal.” He was so inspired that he probably forgot all about those 175 slaves he owned back on his homestead of Monticello, Virginia. I’m guessing he didn’t think much of his ownership of other living people since his property ballooned up to 225 people at the peak of his slave ownership. Monticello, Virginia, I’ve been there and it’s nothing short of beautiful. I have newfound respect for those who made it such.

I learned that Christopher Columbus was an a-hole. Oh, and a rapist and murderer. Instead of giving the 10,000 gold that was promised to the first man to spot land on his voyage to find the back passage to the West Indies, he selfishly claimed it for himself, saying he saw a man walking with a torch of fire along the shore the night before. Right, when you were 80 miles off land, you saw a guy carrying a torch? That makes sense. Because he was “the People’s Hero,” Columbus supervised, allowed and instructed the killings of about 500,000 indigenous people in the 10 years the Spanish were making trips back and forth from Europe in the name of the Spanish crown. If the indigenous, who would gladly give of all their substance wouldn’t bring him what he wanted, Columbus would chop off their arms, especially if they didn’t bring enough gold. How compassionate. Good thing we don’t have a holiday named after this Grade AAA clown.

In another lecture, I learned that African-Americans couldn’t get interest-earning bank accounts until the 1980s. Their money was better off left under their mattresses or sock drawers. They couldn’t pass any savings along to the next generations, because there were not safe places to house extra cash. Did you know that when a black family moves into a pre-dominantly white neighborhood, the home values drop 3 to 4 percent in a year? “Redlining” is a real and common practice. These acts are still observed in 75 percent of real estate laws under the Federal Housing Administration.
One million black GIs returning from World War II were stifled and shocked when they couldn’t move into neighborhoods after they had just secured the beaches of far away lands while the USA claimed victory. Blacks felt as if they had been shafted once again, the first time coming just after the Civil War concluded. Abraham Lincoln promised every former black slave “40 acres and a mule” if they served in the Northern Army and swore to fend off the powerful Southern troops. When the North won, and Lincoln was assassinated, Andrew Johnson had all the power in his hands, and could have really united this country for the better. Instead of making good on Lincoln’s promise, Johnson’s inaction made him one of the USA’s most terrible and ineffective presidents of all-time by choosing not to honor his predecessor’s promise to all black men throughout the country.

**That anecdote reminds me of Isildur in Lord of the Rings: He has the power to banish evil for all-time, yet he lets the power go straight to his head, and he ultimately pays the price by not getting anything done under his administration.**

Way to go, powerful White Americans! Now I begin to understand why minorities hate white people so much. Here’s a fun fact: White Americans will be the minorities by the year 2035. Now I can laugh at the comment my former boss used to say all the time, “Why can’t they just learn English? No one is ever going to need to learn Spanish.” It’s good to know I don’t have to work for people who possess such narrow-minded traits.

I read firsthand accounts of border patrolmen lining up headshots on Mexicans and other Latin Americans on sight. The border patrol are trying to prevent the influx of immigrants who want to come to the United States for better opportunities, much like the patrols’ white ancestors did through Ellis Island. Only back then, certain races weren’t allowed to go through that port. Asians: nope (reference the Johnson-Reed Immigration Act: effectively banning Asian immigration from 1924 to 1965.) Mexicans: no. African-Americans: no, for the most part, excused if they were slaves or indentured servants. And of course, Arabs: no. Some things never change. Never mind that Europeans wiped out tens of millions of indigenous people that engaged in “awfully disgusting practices” such as bathing, sharing crops, and prohibiting private property. Surely, we as European Americans would not stoop so low as to the hideous and primitive habit of actually grooming ourselves.

And here’s one more, just for kicks and giggles.
When Adolf Hitler and his Third Reich were declaring the parameters to which the Germans, Polish, French and all under their rule would live by, they didn’t “write the book” on Eugenics or racial science. Nope, they went back to the good old annals of American literature and science. Thomas Jefferson and Louis Agassiz, contemporaries in the early 1800s wrote about the differences between the different peoples of the world: Slaves from Africa, men from the East Orient, those of European descent. How else to rule the peasants with superiority? Why, create the idea of race, of course! By creating a social agenda and putting yourself at the top of it because you have all the money and power, you can create a rift between people just by suggesting, “There really is something different about these people.”
Something tells me Thomas Jefferson was incredibly vexed at the end of the day. This man’s accomplishments were truly remarkable. Here he was promoting freedom, liberty and democracy on one hand, and a system of slavery and exploitation of non-white peoples with the other. Maybe Two-Face wasn’t just a DC comic book character in Batman. Maybe Jefferson’s ambiguous antics inspired this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde character in the mid 1900s.

You can read all about how the idea of RACE and its origins appeared in, “Notes on the State of Virginia” by Thomas Jefferson. TJ will tell you all the reasons why blacks are inferior to whites, and might even convince you that “Homo sapiens Europaeus were much more enlightened than other peoples of this world, and therefore, loved by God on a greater level.”
“What a bunch of crap,” I say, but then, men like Jefferson have been elevated by historians, put on the grandest pedestal, and therefore ought to not be slandered or have their intellectual output challenged.

If the 3rd president of the United States wrote it, then it must be true. Truth is, Thomas Jefferson was an egomaniac, and an “Enlightened” jerk. If he really did receive inspiration from a divine source to create the Declaration of Independence, I’d imagine he lost his seat on the express train to heaven by following up the D of I by “creating race” and becoming the world’s first racist. All in an attempt to create even more reason to have “superior people” immigrate to the United States. Way to go, douche canoe!
Not only did Jefferson get bumped from my list of all-time favorite historical figures, he did a body slam down all 105 flights of stairs. Gone baby gone. Now, Teddy Roosevelt is climbing the ranks, even if he was the one that suggested a death tax on inheritances. Stupid estate tax!
In the long run, it seems we got a fair deal from the Nazis. We gave them the intellectual property of eugenics to justify killing 6 million Jews in World War II, and they gave us the concept of freeways and interstates. I’d imagine Hitler probably picked up a few other ideas on how to wipe out and displace countless generations of people from their native lands as well from US history.

That information was from five different lectures, just for starters. A sliver of information I received this semester. Like Neo, I ‘took the red pill’ and made the plunge, just to see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Articles, antiquated journal entries from historians, and research papers have enlightened my world and caused massive rifts throughout the memory channels of my brain. It’s completely ironic that capitalism and colonization have brought so much terror upon those peoples who lived on the American continent since the late 15th century and have been massacred, yet the USA is the exemplary country that so many others applaud. I mean, hey: we made the first Constitution. We had the power to VOTE, (minor details regarding the fact that only 37% of those living in the Colonies at that time actually possessed that right).

You have to admit, our history is pretty messed up. Columbus didn’t “discover” the American continent. Those living here knew where they lived. Even in their “savage, primitive and backwards” minds.
At the end of each class in Diversity and US Politics, it was almost as if Paul Harvey was in the background. Telling us like he did so famously saying, “And that, is the rest of the story.”

Here are some of the book titles and articles which I studied this semester:

“The Truth about the First Thanksgiving” from Lies My Teacher Told Me by James Loewen
“Notes on the State of Virginia” by Thomas Jefferson

“The Plan of Creation in the Animal Kingdom” by Louis Agassiz

“White Man’s Burden” by Rudyard Kipling

*“The White Use of Blacks in America” by Dan Levy, circa 1971

“The People’s History of the United States” by Howard Zinn

“Never Meant to Survive” by Aimee Sands

Federal Housing Administration, circa 1930







*Banned book in many states

Human Resources Department

November 3, 2009

Dear Prospective Employer,


Thank you for the opportunity for me to come in and review the requirements needed to apply for your job. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see the inner workings of your company and for exposing the faulty foundation that is known as your Human Resources Department. Thank you for showing your true colors and true ideals, and not your so-called virtues and accurate façade of elevated self-perception.

I applaud you in not giving me the job that I so wholly qualified for, and I thank you for not appreciating the vigor, sense and passion that is needed to do the job as it needs to be done correctly. Thank you for keeping me from the insidious backbiting and inner turmoil that is presented at a Friday morning meeting that requires cheerleading and trivial incentives to help me meet the quota that will require selling my fresh soul for that $15 per hour, just to make the Department Head look viable and successful.

How dare you, Spiteful and soulless entity, try and take away a chance for an extraordinary individual such as I to be true to myself in preserving the option to serve others that deserve my unhindered power and vivacity to work hard, my gusto and punch in seeing the world come to a balance, and to create results of a different matter, a matter of greater importance! How dare you remove a sliver of possible providence to one who needs a course correction that only I can steer them toward?

How dare you, mischievous sprite, try and squeeze my rare intellect into the glass box of darkness and squiggly arrows, pointing to a land of retirement, 401(k), and have me cling to a hope that my life will mean more when I’m 70 than it does to this day. How dare you pull the wool over mine eyes so that I may not feel the work I’ve been made to endure, to earn an honest wage, that I would be trapped by a false sense and purpose in achieving the intangible feelings the Almighty dollar so pertinently exudes as it eats away at one’s destiny come Friday morning, only to be filled with a monstrous remorse and the feeling of a nutrition-starved stomach the following Monday, as you would have me creep in like a caffeine-imbibing drone and nicotine-dependent zombie.

You shall not touch me again, dastardly fiend! I will prove you herewith, that only under my circumstances will we again meet at that stone table to discuss the issues and affairs I see fit to navigate with your help. Until then, begone immoral and shameful pretender! Off with you, false prophet!

Sincerely,

Yours Truly

Manchester United vs Barcelona UEFA CL 05-27-09

I absitively posolutely CANNOT wait for this game coming up next Wednesday!
For Barcelona, you have Lionel Messi the Magician, a 5'7 145 finesse controlled player that compares to the likes of Diego Marradona, and Messi is only 21 years old!


And in the opposite corner, the powerful yet precise winger for Manchester United Cristiano Ronaldo, 6'1 175 Portuguese sniper who is the current Ballon d'Or (World MVP) and best player for the World Club/Premier League Champions/UEFA Champions League Defending Champions Manchester United, a team I have been following religiously for the last 2 amazing seasons.


Tune in at 1245 MST on ESPN on May 27, 2009 to watch what players, writers, coaches and all of Earth's fandom are saying will be the best Champions League Final EVER!

Glory Glory Man United!

BCS: You know the money will come

Having chosen this topic, I have to point out the fact that what I want in this case, does not indeed matter because money will always talk louder than the wants of a mountain man that happens to be a fan of the greatest football team of 2008: The University of Utah Runnin' Utes.
I don't understand why we don't have a playoff system in place. In what other sport does going undefeated NOT mark you as the champion?

USC: Give me a break. You lost to Oregon State, and we beat them. Negative 20 points and go to the back of the line.

Alabama: We crushed you like Miyagi crushes a grape. Get out of my sight.

Oklahoma: You were beaten by Texas, and Bob Stoops is a fathead. Don't ask me what kind of favors he had to perform for the BCS to bring him in. This is a PG rated blog, so don't even try to enlighten me.

Texas: You were beaten by Texas Tech, but I still think you should have been in the running even though you barely beat Ohio State.

Penn State: You lost to an unranked Iowa team. 'Nuff said.

Boise State: Sure, you had a great season. But when you play Cal Poly Tech State, no one cares.

Florida: We should have played you for the Championship. You will be representing the #2 team in the nation behind the Utes tonight. Let the magic of Percy Harvin, Tim Tebow and the greatest coaching job in the NCAA of Urban Meyer hold sway and destroy those silly Sooners.

BYU, Boise State and other Cinderella schools listen up! The fact Utah has busted the BCS twice now and haven't had a shot at the title is a complete sham. We have gone undefeated twice in the last 5 years, and they won't let us duke it out with the big boys. The BCS should be ashamed of themselves. You would think all that money would do something in the way of fairness and provide all 119 schools with a legit shot at #1, not just the popular 66 teams.

Mr President of the BCS: YOU SUCK! Even President-Elect Obama KNOWS we should have a playoff. March Madness is HUGE! Now just get rid of the 42 day hiatus for the preparations of a bowl game and let's do this!

Sixteen team playoff. That's 4 weeks, and we can even give the title game a two week preparation like the Super Bowl. Someone needs to explain this to me AND Kyle Whittingham why it won't work. Get off your collective fat butts and get this going into overdrive!
The College football playoff system will be so AWESOME! What are you waiting for?

Push Along!

I am an anonymous political bystander who has elevated thoughts roll through his head just asking to be inspired by a higher power and when prompted, I feel the greatest achievement when I can transcribe these thoughts to paper.
Just the evening prior, a man named Barack Obama was elected 44th President of the United States of America. He is the first African American to hold this title, and as a registered Independent, I voted for him in both the Primaries and yesterday’s election. I am happy to see the literal face of change in the government. There are more women and people of different ancestry than Europeans that are in the Senate, House and the White House. I find it wonderful and beautiful that my country is reaching into the corners of the world to extract such people that can bring about change and usher in democracy in new ways, perhaps better than what has been done in the past few decades.
Having said that, I wish to press upon a more local issue, and that would be the stake of the mindset of the LDS Saints. Just over 150 years ago, the LDS faith carried itself over the plains and fields of the Midwest in order to escape harsh judgment and unethical treatment of its people. They found the Great Salt Lake Valley, and they have been able to prosper ever since. We sought refuge from people who judged us because of our beliefs. These people were even willing to put us to death because of the way we lived our lives.
I would tell the generation of my people, those who profess to follow Christ through their daily affirmations and actions: Thou shalt not whine.

We have the knowledge of the Gospel in our lives, and you mean to tell me that you think the future leader of our country, even Barack Hussein Obama is “The Anti-Christ”? What have you done? You have suggested a tyrannical name for a man who has not even been tested. You compare him to Stalin, Lenin and Hitler because he wants the best for everyone in his country?
Can you truly call yourself a disciple of Jesus Christ when you judge a man for works he has not even committed? If so, I am truly ashamed of you, and of what you represent. In times of despair, instead of lashing out against someone you hardly know, who you don’t know that much about, you hit your knees in the evening and you pray that God will direct our President’s affairs, and that he will find that guiding light that we all look for in our lives to make the most important decisions that affect us all!
Obama is NOT a Muslim, he was baptized in the Trinity Church in Chicago in 1998. He is an educated, wonderful person. And who are YOU to say that he isn’t?
I think it’s time that we all do as my sophomore basketball coach suggested and, “Quit whining and telling me that you CAN’T do it, and get out there and do as you have been asked. And no bellyaching!”
We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I want to hear people talk about a bright outlook and hear that we can foster strength in our children against tough times, and that we can shore up our sails against tumultuous winds and storms because of our FAITH in the Gospel.
I wish to hear no more of Anti-Christs, assassinations so that our country may become free. The man has not even been tested yet, and I am hearing FOUL things from the mouths of Saints concerning the welfare of our next President.
Surely our prophets will not lead us astray, and if you do not listen to me, then for all that is good and holy in this world, listen to THEM! We should not judge those who do not deserve harsh judgments, lest we become just like those who would push us away because of our “different” beliefs. Honestly my people let us once again renew our faith and wish the best for our leaders. There is a REASON he has been elected. You cannot dismiss him because he chooses a different path, and who knows what kind of influence he may have in spreading democracy around the world. Let us pay our tithing, and if our country asks us to give more, then we should, and seek to find the good in these works, in fact we can help our neighbors all around us.
Let us celebrate our democracy and stop complaining. I don’t want to hear whining from those people, just do as you have always done and put your shoulder to the wheel and push along for all of heaven’s sake!

-Kevin B Wright

In Every Day He Wakes

I know...I was an idiot in 2000

I especially like the bumper sticker I consistently notice driving through the townships in the SL Valley: If you aren't pissed off, you are clearly not paying attention. Bush Campaign 2000-2008.

I regret to announce that I did indeed vote for George W Bush in 2000. I didn't know anything about Al Gore, except that I found it funny that he kept reminding us that he invented the Internet. I just thought that maybe since George HW Bush had done a decent enough job at the White House, his son might echo his works in legacy. Boy, was I wrong. I think that Dubya may be the dumbest president we've had to date, only slightly more dumb than Dan Quayle, and that's saying a LOT. Our President has made the USA more isolated than at any time previous in the history of our great nation. His wannabe replacement, John McCain and his pet pitbull with lipstick (Palin) scare me even more. Yes, she did refer to herself as a pitbull. With lipstick. Leno, O'Brien and Letterman were all thanking the heavens after that quip.
McCain and Palin say they love this country. I say "Bull@#$%!" Maybe more like America in the 1950's. They are holding onto the Good Ole Boy system and will not let go. All I heard last night was one-liners of sarcasm, finger pointing and hatred. Palin thinks the biggest problem in the country right now is Barack Obama. Maybe she should get out of the hockey arena and start travelling to the Lower 48 every once in a while. I got a text from my uber-conservative friend now living in Chicago last night immediately following Palin's speech and he said he was impressed. I was NOT impressed, however, and I think that people like Sarah Palin are going to destroy this country. She sure knew how to divide herself from anyone respectable. Did you hear one positive aspect of her opponent? Does she have any idea that once he wins, her son that is slated to leave for the war, will be calling Obama his Commander-in-Chief and that she will have to support him? Talk about burning bridges from the get-go.

I believe that we need to change or reshape the face of the United States of America. For example, I don't believe that leaders, men or women, have the right to tell a woman what she can or can't do with her own body, even if it means having an abortion. We DO NOT KNOW when life really begins for these babies, and that's beside the point. It is NOT free agency when we tell someone what they can or can't do. Let the women make their choices, it's theirs to make. The devil tells us what we have to do, not our leaders. Our true leaders give us a choice. I don't want to have my wife or sisters go through abortions, but I will respect the rights of my countrywomen to have and make that choice. Gun rights? Absolutely. Tax increase? Yes. As long as those taxes go to programs vested in our country, and not some bullshit war in Iraq that we currently dump $10 billion into every month. I pay a price to live in this country, so taxes do not bother me. World Police? Nope. I care for those in other countries, especially in war-torn Africa where I have spent a great deal of time, work and money, building back up what terrorists have destroyed. But it's enough that we have to police EVERYONE that does not stand up to our policies. Let us be done with it. Like the great Ike Eisenhower warned us, "In signing the Constitution, we did not end that great script with "And they lived happily ever after". Why do we struggle with the idea of losing our superpowers to China? Everyone else has had a turn, and we have to put soldiers everywhere just to ensure our pockets get fatter so we can keep building bigger companies to monopolize the world with.

McCain/Palin will be an interesting bit to watch. As Scott T of Billings Montana said, "I suppose Palin does help McCain if all we Americans cared about was rallying around the flag, fighting the big war on terrorism and now engaging in a cultural war on the eastern elites. Palin and McCain can rant and rave about all that until the cows come home. But, at the end of the day I have to sit down at my kitchen table and figure out how I am going to put food on the table, pay my bills, put gas in my car and hope I do not get sick as I cannot afford too. I have not heard one word offered on stage at the Republican convention that addresses the issues I face at the end of every day at my kitchen table. But with that giant American flag waving behind their podium every night, why would they even care about me and all the other millions of Americans sitting at our kitchen tables staring at our pay stubs?"

I like Obama. I like community organizers. I like change. I don't care if he is muslim, Christian, Hare Krishna. I don't have to have someone who runs for President of a country that chooses to recognize freedom of religion be of my own faith to choose him as my leader. Heaven will be full of people that most of my neighbors don't want to see, and frankly, they will wonder just how the hell they got there in the first place since they weren't American, or Republican, or LDS, or God fearing people. Is there any way at all we can just keep the good things in life, and toss out the dross and become refined once again...only this time, ALL will be invited to the dinner table; The gay, the black, the Muslim, the gay black Muslim, the white, the American Indian, the poor and oppressed, the mother who had an abortion, the mother who chose to keep her baby, the rich and pompous and all of the rest of us that fall into these categories deserve to be treated like EQUALS.

We ALL need a good wake-up call. I will give my reasons for voting for Obama later. But now, all we need is change. Let us foster it in, and prepare ourselves for a LOT of work ahead of us.

Trifectal Ambrosia

If it had been asked of me earlier this week that there was a magic mystical location that had the trifectal ambrosia of trout diet of cicadas, salmonflies and green drakes, I would have politely guffawed and been on my merry way. I know that I blog such as this is utterly worthless without pictures, but I can assure you, there were many witnesses to the day and to the illuminations in the water breaking the surface for our emergers and illustrious dry flies.
The illuminations were nothing but pure 100% brown trout, the foreign yet unsubdued salmonid of Europa. These fine dragons of the deep graced our presence with brilliant hues and tantalizing red smudges that looked as if the great Tomerelli had painted them himself, encircled by faint blue halos that were lost in a sea of mustard clouds and indiscriminate marks careening for the caudal tail.
A perfect 75 degree morning favored us as we partook of the holy breakfast toast my lovely had created for all of us, and after some debate of which stream to dapple and entice thus fishes, we chose the high road. Lakes full of crystal clear yet freezing water popped up left and right as we made the ascent into the holy land of trout. Not sixty seconds had passed after the careful choosing of our destination did my lovely simply inquire, “What kind of bug is THAT?” as a plump and delicious salmonfly proceeded to hide away under the park bench when Leaky saw it and stifled a laugh, which to me sounded more like he was passing wind and softly cried with pleasure.
A perfect specimen to behold, the size of a hummingbird, this oversized stonefly danced awkwardly across the stream only to be swallowed by the pines surrounding the river corridor.
We knew it, like it had been told to us before, the success of the day and the pursuit of trout was accomplished, that this was a day for constant re-telling, yet we had only to fish it first!
As we made the way towards a tiny confluence, we noticed the green demon lurking under the clouds, and re-appearing before our very eyes to reveal its tiger striped body and ever bulging eyes as Leaky exclaimed in a loud rant, “Green Drake!” Two TOI’s (secret fly pattern)later, we had the run of a lifetime, each picking up a dozen trout apiece and laughing all the while, addressing the chance that karma had tossed our way. With the drones of cicadas in the willows, we continued upstream and onward in our hunt for the Von Behr and Loch Leven, whichever they may be.
I took time to silently express gratitude to Poseidon for the fate of the perfect water temperature, showing respect for Zeus for sparking the emergence of the hatch thanks to the cloudy sky, Hopi the wind god to send a calm breeze down on us, and Fortuna for blessing us with a downpour of splashy hungry trout.
A good day between heaven and earth, and it almost seemed to transcend the difference betwixt us, as we made our way back to the car, and left me highly anticipating the keyboard to stroke the keys in an attempt to re-create the day…

A day in the life of a man after work

What is it about writing itself that is so cathartic? If I’m in a mood that is generally displeasing, there is something so soothing about the idea of sitting down in a nice leather chair, kicking my feet under the desk and commence to giving my fingers, forearms and wrists a good workout while I pound this electronic apparatus and take out the grievances of the day on it.

Today was a good day at work. And it was a day of recognition in most circumstances. Only, it was also a day that would forever calm my questions of what, why, when and how long till…and I guess I should be happy that all of my questions, concerns and desperate cries of staring at the ceiling at night have been answered with a many good resolutions.

It’s just that…transition is so deceiving sometimes. It feels good to have an idea in your mind that things will eventually work themselves out, and when we are shooting for the moon and envisioning ourselves out past the stars, we quickly (and humbly) forget the journey we took to get to this hailed milepost of life.

I am currently overlooking the transition right now, and seeing myself in more favorable digs, apparatus and intellectual conscientiousness as I allow my imagination to creep in for a bit and give me a taste of “what could be”…and I like it. What is most important at this time is to overlook the wheres, the whats, the whys and just break it down to the least common denominator: how.

And how? By doing what you’ve been doing this past year. Working hard with no thought of reward save only the biweekly paycheck which allows you to pursue other interests of life and therefore give you purpose, insight, and passion for the things we neither see nor hear but are constantly searching after. This of course is...truth. But truth comes in many forms, and some of these things, we just can't find. It's part of the earth experience. Some things just cannot be accomplished. And it drives the soul of person CRAZY to know it can't have what it thinks it wants!!!

This, of course, is the pursuit of all humankind. I just have a feeling, that it is WAY beyond our comprehension to know exactly WHAT we are chasing after…

Glory, Glory Man United!

Well it has been far too long, and I have much to write about, but I want to dedicate this post to a sports team.
Modern lore dictates the team I have followed from Day 1 this season is the largest fan base in the world. “So what?” echoes the average American sports fan with his head buried online busy reading up on Kobe Bryant and Dale Earnhardt, Jr., that he has no idea that virtually every country in the world watched the exact same match that I watched today at Fiddler’s Elbow with my Aussie friend, George.

I am speaking of course of the fabled Manchester United Football Club, or MUFC.




Keep in mind that while I am writing this, I am envisioning and actually speaking the words with an English accent, as I have been hearing the games announced all season on many football/soccer channels, and quite frankly, it’s the way they should be announced: with fervor and perfect dictation, not to mention RAW and sheer excitement in the delivery of God’s greatest language!

What an electric game to watch! Millions of televisions the world over gathered to observe Cristiano Ronaldo place a header in at the 26th minute, on an absolutely BRILLIANT play set up by the Ginger Ninja, Paul Scholes and Wes Brown. It worked perfectly, but of course it did, Ronaldo is only the best player in the world! A few minutes later, there was some miscommunication in the goal box and bad luck for the Red Devils, the Blues equalized in the 44th minute with a goal for Chelsea. I guess Man U was just thinking about sinking their teeth into their halftime oranges, eh?

The second half begins, and it’s all about Chelsea and a lethargic effort of offense by Man U. At this point, Chelsea had about 17 shots on goal totally overpowering Man U’s 7 shots on goal. There were only about 6 Chelsea fans in the pub, and a good many 30 to 40 Man U fans, decked out in the red and white. It kind of reminded me of a Utah-BYU game, actually. The onslaught of goals continued until the 90th minute and stoppage began. There were furious amounts of substitutions as we geared up for the inevitable.
Much to my dismay (and many others at that), UEFA have eliminated the Golden Goal overtime, and have opted for 2 15-minute periods and THEN penalty kicks for their Championship program.

After several minutes of strategies backfiring on both ends, there was a scuffle between both teams. Wes Brown and Carlos Tevez were backed into a corner by several Chelsea players and Didier Drogba, Chelsea’s best player and death striker, made an asinine move and slapped Wes Brown. Sorry mate, you can’t do that. It’s against the rules. Drogba was hit with a Red Card (Vive le Zidane!) and tossed from the pitch to watch his team from the locker room.

2 overtimes are through. Break out some more oranges and Evian!

We go to penalty kicks and Cristiano Ronaldo does something utterly tragic and tried to fake the keeper and Cech guesses right and stops Ronaldo. It’s 4 to 5 and Chelsea’s captain, John Terry just has to make one goal and the title is Chelseas’s…

He slips and falls on his approach and the ball goes wide right off the post!!!

The momentum has switched and Man U breaks in Giggs and Nani’s goal, and Edwin Van Der Sar the mammoth goalkeeper for Manchester United guesses right on Anelka’s poor showing in the bottom left corner and sends it sailing out!

Manchester United wins the UEFA Championship, 6-5p over Chelsea!
Glory, Glory Man United!
The Premier League Champions and UEFA Champions as they seal the Double and become Champions of Europe again!

Tune in next year as I break it down bit by bit and introduce you to the amazing sport of football as it’s meant to be played!
And for your viewing pleasure, I give you the most famous announcer in the world…I just don’t know his name. 
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ghSaZkwetRw

Rhapsody on a theme of my childhood

Ever since I was a small child, I have always loved the dramatic sounds of classical music. In the center of our living room, we had a dual stereo system. Equipped on the left side was the 8 track player. We had a few 8 track cassettes here and there, some Olivia Newton-John, The Lettermen and others. To the right, we had the old turntable.
I was constantly haunted by the sounds of Carmen, Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker, The Carpenters, The Beach Boys, and a favorite of mine and my brother’s: The William Tell Overture, which may be more familiarized by its use for scoring The Lone Ranger. In fact, Derek and I would run around the core of the house when it would play. I loved that old record player.
My parents thought it wise to introduce us to the classics of music early on, and I was privileged enough to have Mrs. Ruth Dowding as my 5th grade teacher. She was well versed and taught equally well the Masters of Classical music. Every week we would study a new composer. Bach, Beethoven, Hayden, Mozart, Bizet, Vivaldi and Gershwin to name a few. This early emphasis of music education helped me create a menagerie of dozens of genre that I enjoy to this day.
Erin used a good bit of research and good sense to exchange our Symphony tickets from last November’s “The Rite of Spring” to last week’s “Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini" by Sergei Rachmaninoff at Abravanel Hall. For those who are not familiar with this exceptional piece, this 24 variation piece isn’t really a rhapsody at all, yet it was named as such for it sounds as if the music is giving the oratory through its harmonic rise and fall. It is also of note that this piece is considered extremely difficult to play on piano and also to accompany with a symphony or orchestra.
I always associate the 18th variation with the movie “Somewhere in Time”, with my childhood hero, Christopher Reeve as the main character who falls in love with a woman in a 1912 photo: the beautiful Jane Seymour.
Reeve played Superman, an ultimate favorite film of mine throughout all my years. Somewhere in Time is an amazing film, and the music is its best feature, besides the lead actress. 
With a full symphony and grand piano before us, I knew this was a special event, none to soon be matched. As I heard the introduction of the 18th variation being played at the symphony this weekend, (about 12 minutes into the rhapsody, I was paralyzed in my seat. The pianist had the sellout crowd totally and voluntarily captivated. We dared not even budge, sniff or make a sound. A particular quiet and hush befell the audience, and everyone just breathed in the entire moment. My eyes filled with tears (I have no problem admitting that art & music often moves me to an ocular salty discharge), and I totally embraced the moment as compelling, perfect, and without a doubt, I accepted this was the most incredible song I had ever heard.
Isn’t it grand to have dreams and moments come true that we have always anticipated we would one day see, hear and experience?
My hat is off to you, Erin. Bless you. Thank you for sharing that unforgettable experience with me and accompanying me in my endeavours and dreams.

I thought I had seen it all...

until I was at the Coffee stop and overheard a conversation with the traveling customer. I was picking up a daily dose of nectar (Mountain Dew) and ambrosia (blueberry muffin), and a girl driving a Volvo SUV was picking up her Orange Mocha Frappucino (props to Zoolander!), and the coffee girl offered her dog a milk-bone. She said, "No thanks, my dog is a Vegan!"
Absolutely the most absurd thing I have ever heard. Without a doubt, this world is spiraling downwards with no hope for anything good and positive. All of the bystanders just dropped our mouths in disbelief and after she left, we all had a good laugh.

When did we make up our minds that we can turn a carnivore into an herbivore?
Has anyone else seen or witnessed something this silly and overboard?

What I've Been Doing Lately...

These days it's all about writing.
Writing at home, on a computer that is older than most of my nephews and nieces.
The hope is to truly put enough silly words together to someday create and construct a book. I'm not going to tell you that it will be a monumental piece of work.
All I am telling you now is that it will be worth it, and it will be a reflection of what I have been thinking about lately, what I have put in long hours for about 5 evenings a week, and that it will have all been worth it in the long run.

A few pics from the summer.


Last fishing trip with Schroeder.


Biggest fish of the year so far.


Kunz' first ever Grayling.


The night of the Five Otters on Henry's Fork.





Colorado River Cutthroat


Where I long to be on snowy days...paddling towards the volcano on Kadavu, Fiji.

More to come later.

Spaced out drivers? No survivors

20th in the Nation? You have GOT to be kidding me? That’s what I read in an article on msn.com a few days ago. It says that Utah has the 20th best driving record out of all 50 states. I just don’t believe it!
Today as I drove from the 9th and 9th area of Salt Lake City, I followed a Ford Taurus wagon with Minnesota license plates. Besides the “BARK” and “COEXIST” bumper stickers, I could tell this driver was a liberal. How do I know? The driver had absolutely NO depth perception, and she passed a cyclist on the left and honest to heaven, she gave the cyclist 15 feet berth so she wouldn’t hit him. I guess she thought it was more important to save the cyclist the burden of her driving, and didn’t think of the oncoming traffic that was headed the other direction. The oncoming car had to STOP to let this lunatic driver pass the cyclist. I mean, COME ON PEOPLE! 15 feet? Our roads are only so wide, she could have given the cyclist 3 feet and he would have been fine.
I turned onto 19th East, and she was still ahead of me. She looked like she was flying a Mooney airplane: She was lined up perfectly…only she was driving, not flying. I couldn’t believe it. I kept honking and pointing my finger towards OUR side of the road, yet cars continued to pull off the side of the road. I got a good look at her, and she wasn’t even talking on a cell phone, nor was she 88 years old.
I have no idea why Utah has such terrible drivers. It couldn’t be that we have more cars in our cities. It couldn’t be that we have more kids on cell phones. So what is the answer? Can anyone tell me? Why are there more and more idiots on the road these days, and why do I feel like I have to be a super-defensive driver when I’m out there? Does anyone have the answer?

Heaven is a Caddisfly

Messin’ about with George on Friday night, then returning with Schroeder last night to the same streamside locale, gave me a full weekend while certain company was making a familial visit out of state.
My hall pass was given to me freely, and I ran like the wind to Fink’s Creek with a strung-up rod and plenty of caddisflies. Bullwinkle decided to join us both nights and we graciously stepped past, behind and way out of his way. There is so much green vegetation right now it’s tough to pass up this alpine stream in June. The Green Drake hatch is going strong, and there are many Spinners (adult mayflies) out on the water. The fish go NUTS for these insects, and as my fishin’ mates would concur, it makes feeding time a spectacular event to behold.
I fished with my Dad on Tuesday night, and instead of the fish eating, we were literally consumed by billions of small caddisflies. We managed to hook up with a few nice browns and cutthroats, see some deer and have an amazing time on the river together. The fishing was tough, but it was rewarding for me to spend some time with Dad.
George is a good stick, indeed. Growing up in Victoria, George learned to fly fish about ten years ago. Tasmania is where he longs to fish the most, though he has spent time in his college years in Nottingham, England and Melbourne, Australia, where he currently lives. If you ever have the opportunity to spend time with an Aussie, I highly recommend it. The accent is wacky, but completely fascinating, and you will find most Aussies (New South Wales’ residents commonly excluded) are pretty laid back and have pleasant personalities.
The hatch that evening was quite heavy. There was a massive spinner fall of drakes, mixed in with a few small caddis. The competition was grueling: Who of us would catch the smallest trout? Loser buys dinner afterwards. “King’s to you George”, who landed what we estimated as a 3 inch cutthroat, yet brilliant with cantaloupe orange coloration and light cutt markings under his bill. We hit Desert Edge Pub & Brewery afterwards and threw down Turkey sandwiches, but he demanded he foot the bill. George is a class act.

This could be the best picture I have ever taken, and quite on accident. The brookie was wriggling about when I was trying to take a still pic, but his action and his swinging caudal tail really tell its own story: “Get this fly OUTTA my mouth!” Notice the red spots, surrounded by blue halos. This species is TRULY remarkable!

This is the prettiest fish I have caught in a week. I love the blue spot just northeast of his mouth, on the gill plate.

Fishing with Schroeder is always a fun time. He was stoked when he learned he would be fishing a new spot last night. I guaranteed him we would only catch brookies, cutts and cuttbows. You should see how animated his face is when he catches fish. And it’s refreshing to know that someone is perpetually jonesin’ all the time about fly fishing as much as I am...in fact, he may be even more! We fished Fink’s all night, and skipped my all-time favorite section when the sun was dropping and Bullwinkle came out to greet us. The moon was at half last night as the heavenly bodies of Jupiter, Venus, Saturn and the massive Class M Red Supergiant Antares guided us back to our car after wetting the line and sharing time with our salmonid and char brothers and sisters.
Spending the night during Caddis hatches are my favorite of all that fly fishing has to offer.

The Hatch Revisited

At the shop, we have a blog that we are supposed to occasionally write in, and therefore, spill all of our secrets about our days of fishing.
I have a blast while reading through my fellow employees tackling big fish, but I never want to divulge of my secret spots.
As a local flyfisherman, I have been blessed with many private water fishing opportunities. I constantly fish the Upper Provo, on the Diamond Bar Ranch, as my friend Phil has allowed me to be on his property for the last 5 years. I have pulled out 3 fish over 22 inches, all brown trout. Thanks Phil!
I have access to the Wright ranch on Tabiona, which I consider the “Montana of my youth” as has been stated by Norman McLean. In fact, I fished it today in the thickest Green Drake and Golden Stonefly hatch of my life.
I fished it with a high school buddy, Dave K. As we reminisced about “cruisin” in either the Chevette (don’t be jealous!) or the Scirocco, pickin up on ladies on State Street, playin hoops on Donner Hill, listening to Milli Vanilli and Led Zeppelin (I’m quite the contrastical individual when it comes to musical taste) and our favorite girls at that time, we politely rope-a-doped on brown and cutthroat trout, which happened to be gorging themselves on every fly thrown their way.
We fished Impearsonators, Half-down Goldens, Micro Mayfly emergers, and Platte River Spiders. We caught plenty of fish, and more than I can count on my fingers and toes…but really, I just wanted one.



This is a Green Drake adult. They are so beautiful. Yes, bugs need love too!



Bunyan Bug, Stonefly #2 ;)


Happy Fishing to All and to all a Big Cutt!

Memoirs of the Savanna

My brother sent me amazing footage of a herd of Cape Buffalo, three Nile Crocodiles, and a pride of lions. After watching endless footage of animals attacking and hunting their prey, I am oft reminded of an experience in the Maasai Mara a few years ago. I bring this up only because it was a good reminder of how sheltered some people really are…
It was our second day on the Maasai Mara, Kenyan’s Nature Preserve that magically becomes the Serengeti once you cross the Tanazanian border, and we were watching hippos and large Nile crocs on the Mara River. A small Nile Monitor was making its way towards the bottom of the gulch, and a 6 foot immature croc was inching towards this large lizard in stealthy fashion. Within about 3 feet from the water’s edge, the crocodile is poised to make its move, where it will potentially snatch the lizard off the rock and have himself a fine dinner.
Enter “Lisa Zoobie” (the names have been changed to protect the innocent, stupid and otherwise entirely naïve), a BYU co-ed, who naturally loves watching movies like “What is Real?” “Our Heavenly Father’s Plan”, and “The Prodigal Son”, while sipping her Caffeine free Diet Coke and playing Pictionary while living at Helaman Halls or Deseret Towers on campus. No doubt, she has eaten countless amounts of steak, chicken and fish over the years, but she is yet to see a real life animal attack its prey in the name of starvation and hunger. Lisa perceives the lizard will be toast momentarily, so she throws a rock at the lizard to scare it away. No meal for the crocodile, no video opportunity for the rest of us. It was almost the last mistake Lisa would ever make in this lifetime…
Out of the bushes springs a Kenyan military officer, fully equipped with an automatic machine gun, and begins to rebuke the absolute hell out of Lisa. Rightfully so. I was secretly cheering him on, as he yelled at her and told her that while she was off painting her nails in her so-called protected life, that animals have been hunting each other for thousands of years and she had absolutely NO right to change the Circle of Life. I think she did it just to protect her virgin eyes from seeing one animal eat another. Poor Lisa. She heard it from all of the rest of us, after GI Joe went back to his job of protecting the animals of the sanctuary. It’s good to know an act like that warrants a shot to the head with a bullet the size of my middle finger. If only you could have heard her for the rest of the day, talking about how dangerous the soldier was, and if she had a right to call her lawyer and press charges for defamation of her character…we all wanted to strangle her. In all fairness, the soldier was entirely within his job description to do as he pleased. In Kenya, they shoot first, THEN ask questions. In Kenya, they don’t have much more than their wildlife viewing opportunities and their Big Game hunts to bring in any kind of income. The land is dry, but the wildlife is bounteous. In my time in East Africa, I have been pleased to see three lionesses bring down a Cape Buffalo (while chillin in a Matatu, in a rainstorm, listening to Enya); a cheetah running full speed and overtaking a Grant’s or Thomson’s Gazelle; and a leopard dining on an Impala, 20 feet up in a Sausage tree. Oh yeah, I almost peed on a Gabon Viper, not 20 yards from the Mara River.
I don’t know what ever happened to Lisa Zoobie, but I remember she got numerous wake-up calls into the steaming manure pit that is called life for most people in Kenya. Her perspectives of how life is tough to live when you scrap for food on a daily basis reminds me of my first visit to Kenya, and helped me realize that my everyday life is a blessing from on High. We should all remember the privileges we have to seek out scholastic advancements, pursue financial opportunities and do our best to make life joyful. But we should also remember that approximately 5/6 of the world has it tougher than us, and though all things are relative, we need not complain about our dire living situations.
You should have seen the dilation of Lisa’s eyes when that soldier bolted from the bushes straight at her…priceless.

"Who planted all these damn Russian Olives?"

The wind started promptly after I tied on my Letort #14, and I headed into the short microbursts that Ol’ Mama Nature occasionally gives us. The right bank, a mere 80 feet from where I stood, was my fly’s intended destination. I gave the hopper a light dusting of the fanny, and placed my left foot about half a meter ahead of my right foot, and commenced with the double-haul. Fishing a Boron IIx in the wind is truly excellent, especially with a 5-weight, even though it’s only an 8’6 rod. This green stick has just enough power to turn over large flies, even in the wind.

Within three false casts (I’m a minimalist when it comes to the threat of shoulder muscle fatigue) I had enough line and nine feet of leader to lay down Mr. Letort and try and tempt a fish to rise…

It has been just over a year from this time that I tied on what I classify to be the second most effective Caddis pattern on earth…the Palomino Caddis, tied by my friend, Cheech. With just enough material on the skybound side of the hook, this fine little artifical specimen has tricked many a wary trout in the last 365 days. It boasts a rusty cinnamon hue and a small tuft of feather that sits perfectly in the surface of the water and tempts even the cleverest brown trout. Yes, cleverest is indeed a word, for you ever-editing English nerds!

No fish this time around, leastways on this stretch of river. The Lower Ranch can be tricky, and can throw even a master angler off. And I do not consider myself a master, nor will I ever refer to myself in that light. There are far too many who have gone before, only to be outwitted by those pea-brained salmonids.
Save only the brutish Leven brown that Bobby scared up from the depths of the Mother Hole, and the ever sly trout that hit my Hemingway after a precise downstream cast just above the Forbidden Pool, our luck had run dry from the day. However, I do not remember a day that could compare in the sun’s rays, the balmy 68 degrees at 7300 ft, or the green foliage of budding Aspens and towering Ponderosas than that of yesterday, chasing trout on the South Slope.

Colorado River Cutthroat, Eastern Brookies and Browns “how do you know they’re German browns? Do they have little red swastikas?” (a joke I coined when I was 22 years old, fishin on the Logan with Dave) made the potential dinner menu, but as instructed by those wiser than us, we released all our fish, to live on and fight another day.

Perhaps I will give the Russian Olive Run another shot in a few weeks, when the stones and drakes come out to play. Until then, I can only visualize large trout bellies, bluebird skies, and enough Mountain Dew to make even a camel think twice about his next pit stop. My heart belongs to the slopes of the High Uintas, and perhaps, one day when I’m lucky, it will belong to someone very special.

Good Ol' Roy

One of my favorite lines from the cinematic world comes to full fruition when Roy Hobbs relaxes in a thoughtful pondering stare and calmly says, “I Love baseball.” The Natural is an all-time classic, and I think about the way Redford exclaims the joy of his life so solemnly.

This is the way I feel about flyfishing. I don’t believe I could ever leave the mountains, as I have stated before. Mountain streams, great rivers and just the presence of water send chills down my back. I still cannot believe my good fortune in landing a job at a fly shop. In just a short month, I have learned about how good rods are made, how a drag works on a reel, more knots than I care to mention, entomology, and the realization that there are others just like me who love fly fishing more than life itself!

I feel so free in knowing that I LOVE getting up every morning to go to work and feeling so passionate about my surroundings, confidence in my ability to communicate with customers, relive fishing experiences with others, hearing wild stories of both maddening frustration coupled with extreme joy, and working in a calm atmosphere. Here’s the great thing: It does NOT feel like work.

The habits I have created at work have crossed over into my living situation as well. I am constantly cleaning my bathroom, vacuuming my floor about twice a week, folding clothes perfectly, and tying flies for about two hours every night.

I also treasure my time to fish, and love having any opportunity I can get to cast new rods, test out new reels, and continue to educate myself about running a successful fly fishing business.

The Green Drakes will be poppin soon, as will the Golden Stoneflies. I will write again when these gorgeous mayflies make their presence known. Until then, Fish On!

Stimis & Hoppers & Hizzy Spizzies, O My!

Paul: Norm, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Norm: A minister, I guess. Or a professional boxer.

Paul: You think you could beat Jack Johnson?
I think you could.
I'd lay a bet on it.


Norm: What are you gonna be?
Paul: A professional fly-fisherman.

Norm: There's no such thing.

Paul: There isn't? I guess a boxer.

Norm: Not a minister?
Paul: Heh!




Thus is my new reality. While I wait for all to be good in the realm of massage therapy, I am filling my daytime hours with a job I can’t believe they pay me for down at Western Rivers Flyfisher.

Fly fishing has always been a heartfelt love, passion, obsession, or whatever you want to call it. I have thought about working down at the Shop for a long time, and just now, the timing seems absolutely perfect, and I have been given a full-time job in which I can learn about the industry, improve my skills as a fisherman, and also work as hard as I can to establish a good reputation for Western.
It’s pretty exciting that I am able to immerse myself in countless products of clothing, rods, reels, waders, fly tying material, and get to know so many wonderful people in the area who love to fly fish almost as much as me!
I basically have one day during the week that I get out and fish, and it is JUST what I need after talking all day to other people who get to fish. Yes, I realize I was in their shoes just two weeks ago, but I love the education I am getting from working in the shop and learning all about our products and